If We’re Not Married by Thirty by Anna Bell Read Online (FREE)
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Saturday, 6 June 2009
The sounds of ‘Agadoo’ drift round the corner of the marquee and I let out an involuntary groan. When I get married, I’m going to dictate the set list to the DJ. Or maybe I won’t even have a DJ. Maybe I’ll elope. Yes, that’s a better idea. Then I won’t have to put anyone through the pain of wearing a ridiculous bridesmaid dress or having their hair sprayed with so much hairspray that they fear it may never move on its own again.
I wrestle with the top of my dress that was tight at the start, before the canapés, three-course meal and countless drinks I’ve downed since the wedding began. Yes, I’d definitely not put anyone else through this pain.
‘Hey, I wondered where you’d got to. You’re missing our mothers pushing imaginary pineapples and shaking trees,’ says Danny.
I cautiously look around to check that he’s alone, and breathe a sigh of relief when I realise he is.
‘Oh my God. They’re so embarrassing. I told Kerry that she shouldn’t do Pimm’s as the welcome drink.’
‘Doesn’t she remember what happened at my mum’s fiftieth?’
‘I know,’ I say incredulously. ‘That’s what I said. But she and Jim had snuck off somewhere early on and missed our mothers getting up to mischief.’
My sister thought I was exaggerating when I told her Mum was dancing on tables at her best friend’s birthday party. Let’s hope the tables in the marquee are more sturdy than the ones at Hazel’s house. I’ve never seen plastic buckle like that before.
‘Are you coming back in? I bet it’ll be “the Macarena” next. Or maybe “Oops Upside Your Head”.’
I shudder at the thought.
‘Come on,’ I say, holding my hand out for him to pull me up. ‘I’m desperate for a drink. There’s a pub next door. Do you fancy coming for a quick pint?’
‘I’m pretty sure there’s alcohol in the marquee. Besides, it’s your sister’s wedding and you’re a bridesmaid.’
‘And I’ve fulfilled all my bridesmaid duties. I kept her sober until after the ceremony. I’ve ensured that she has a change of clothes and a toothbrush in her hotel room and I’ve held her dress up inside the toilet cubicle at least twice so she could pee. I think I’ve earned a cheeky pint before she needs the loo again.’
Reluctantly, he takes my hand and yanks me up.
‘We’ll come back soon. Just a quick drink,’ I say winking.
We walk across the rock-hard grass towards the fence. It takes me a few strides to realise that I still have hold of Danny’s hand. I blush a little as I let go and hope he won’t see my glowing cheeks by the light of the moon.
‘Lydia, where are we going?’
‘Here, there’s a hole.’
I push at one of the wooden posts of the fence and it swings open.