Normal People by Sally Rooney Read Online (FREE)
It really hurt. What he did.
Connell says nothing then. He just kneads the steering wheel with his hands. He looks down into his lap, and exhales quickly, almost like a cough. Sorry, he says. Then he starts the car. They drive for a few minutes in silence, Marianne cooling her forehead against the window.
Do you want to come back to my house for a bit? he says.
Is Lorraine not there?
He shrugs. He taps his fingers on the wheel. She’s probably in bed already, he says. I mean we could just hang out for a bit before I drop you home. It’s okay if you don’t want to.
What if she’s still up?
Honestly she’s pretty relaxed about this sort of stuff anyway. Like I really don’t think she would care.
Marianne stares out the window at the passing town. She knows what he’s saying: that he doesn’t mind if his mother finds out about them. Maybe she already knows.
Lorraine seems like a really good parent, Marianne remarks.
Yeah. I think so.
She must be proud of you. You’re the only boy in school who’s actually turned out well as an adult.
Connell glances over at her. How have I turned out well? he says.
What do you mean? Everyone likes you. And unlike most people you’re actually a nice person.
He makes a facial expression she can’t interpret, kind of raising his eyebrows, or frowning. When they get back to his house the windows are all dark and Lorraine is in bed. In Connell’s room he and Marianne lie down together whispering. He tells her that she’s beautiful. She has never heard that before, though she has sometimes privately suspected it of herself, but it feels different to hear it from another person. She touches his hand to her breast where it hurts, and he kisses her. Her face is wet, she’s been crying. He kisses her neck. Are you okay? he says. When she nods, he smooths her hair back and says: It’s alright to be upset, you know. She lies with her face against his chest. She feels like a soft piece of cloth that is wrung out and dripping.
You would never hit a girl, would you? she says.
God, no. Of course not. Why would you ask that?
I don’t know.
Do you think I’m the kind of person who would go around hitting girls? he says.
She presses her face very hard against his chest. My dad used to hit my mum, she says. For a few seconds, which seems like an unbelievably long time, Connell says nothing. Then he says: Jesus. I’m sorry. I didn’t know that.
It’s okay, she says.
Did he ever hit you?
Connell is silent again. He leans down and kisses her on the forehead. I would never hurt you, okay? he says. Never. She nods and says nothing. You make me really happy, he says. His hand moves over her hair and he adds: I love you. I’m not just saying that, I really do. Her eyes fill up with tears again and she closes them. Even in memory she will find this moment unbearably intense, and she’s aware of this now, while it’s happening. She has never believed herself fit to be loved by any person. But now she has a new life, of which this is the first moment, and even after many years have passed she will still think: Yes, that was it, the beginning of my life.